I didn't write at all this week...first I wrote I'm not used to write diaries or blogs and then I had to work (a lot) and I spent a lot of my time with one of my friends because she broke up with her boyfriend.
I have a difficult time when this happens because right now I'm single and I also have a complicated relationship with love. I find hard to trust people, I don't say "I love you", I have a complicated mind and it's almost impossible to find someone who can understand me so well that I fall in love with him. So, when one of my friends breaks up with the loved one I have a hard time and I always talk too much, think too much, say the wrong things at the wrong time. But I believe in love. I really do! I have been in love, I have met that special one I would have given up everything for him, I had that special relationship where you understand each other so well you don't even need to talk, I felt that he was my safe place, my heaven on Earth. I had everything I could ever want and for this reason I find so hard to accept what I don't feel inside, in my bones, in my heart and in my mind that it's love. I feel guilty if I'm in a relationship I don't believe in, if I'm spending time with someone I know I don't wanna around me for a long time and so on...Yes, I'm such an idiot and maybe I'm not having fun but that's what I feel is right and I'm gonna wait for that special feeling even if it would be a long, long, long time. I know that one day I'll meet someone and I'll feel that he's right. When it happens I won't regret all the time I had to wait. Yes, again...I'm an idiot!
Xmas wishlist: I want this pillow!
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